Barry Wood's NAMM Oddities 2011 Edition

 Packrat Barry

You Figure It Out

You Can't Say I Didn't Warn You…

Metasonix products have long been a favorite of the Oddities. Their tasteless product names and even more tasteless graphics are wonderfully representative of the atrocities committed against audio passing through their devices.

This year they've outdone themselves and for the first time in NAMM Oddities' history, I feel compelled to provide a click-through mechanism to hide the photo from all but the most adventurous souls.

  • Metasonix
  • 870 South Main Street, PMB 109
  • Lakeport CA 95453
  • (707) 263-5343
  • www.metasonix.com

Click here to
view the image,
but only if you are
not easily offended.

Another product in poor taste from Metasonix

For That Very Special Someone

On the right is a 28-fret, 35-inch scale bass that's perfect for that hard-to-buy-for, homosexual zombie horror-metal band frontman in your life.

On the left is Maris The Great, one such homosexual zombie horror-metal band frontman for whom 10-32 Guitars built this peach of an instrument.

Maris' bass

Chrome Cones

This gleaming guitar girl should have been here in 2008 when the Silver Surfer made an appearance at NAMM.

I saw these guitars at the 2007 show but back then the company was called Henmanbevilacqua Guitars. I think they made a good marketing move with the name change.

Chrome Cones

Whatever the Heil You Want

The Heil custom shop will pimp out your mics in whatever hideous way you can dream up. This sort of indiscriminate, unadulterated ugly has generally been committed by Asian knock-off product companies. The difference here is that the Heil mics actually sound really good.

Heil custom shop

Something for Everyone

Anyone familiar with both American and British slang will no doubt find the name of this company highly amusing. I was wondering if there wasn't someone on staff who might have pointed this out but then I saw their phone number and I figured they knew what they were doing.

Fanny Wang headphones

Joyful Karaoke

I wonder if they have a Miserable Karaoke machine for the Emo crowd?

Joyful Karaoke

Magic Decoder Ring

If Captain Midnight was a musician learning to play Indian music (rather than the head of a secret squadron), surely he'd own one of these stylish Rosetta Stones of Indian tuning systems.

MusiCreed

Nice (Color) Organ

This looks like the progeny of a Radio Shack Color Organ and a guitar cabinet.

Promiscuity

It looks like that color organ gets around, this time it's gotten it on with a DJ turntable rig.

The Demure Organ

If you don't want to flaunt your light organ you can put it behind this tasteful privacy screen.

Organ Warning

I don't mean the "Viewer Discretion Advised" warning you'd get when a film with Harvey Keitel comes on TV. This is lighting associated with an organ of a different stripe. What we have here is a combination rotating Leslie horn & police car light.

Perfect For Mini Kiss

To round out the Oddities of lighting, I present a 17-ounce, battery-powered personal light show. Perfect for those gigs in really tiny clubs or for really tiny bands.

Q Lighting - Light Show

A Pop Cap in Yo Ass

The top two chairs seem to make some sort of sense but I can't figure out what kind of butt would possibly fit the bottom two.

Mey Chair Systems

Maybe it Should Have Been AxSit?

The AxSys looks like of like something you'd see at the gym but it's really a clever guitar stand that converts into a seat.

AxSys

Tuning That's Dead On

Finally, the perfect accessory for the Coffin Case I covered the first year that I did the NAMM Oddities.

Coffin tuner

Chillin' with Seymour

They knew better than to populate the booth with comfy couches lest they be overrun with knackered NAMM attendees.

Seymour Duncan

Marketing The Grid

I think it would be appropriate if this contained some bit crushing DSP triggered by an G-force sensor so you could get the full Daft Punk "de-rezzing" effect when you whack your friends with this iPod dock.

Tron iPod dock

Simply Par for the Course

It's your standard 'fro-sporting, leather-clad, freakishly-tall Elvis. Just another day at NAMM.

Tall Elvis

NesquikBooks

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about music lesson management & accounts receivable software is a big jack rabbit. Don't you?

NesquikBooks

Some Pig

After Wilbur was saved from slaughter by Charlotte, he picked up some cool shades and went on to become the mascot for a guitar effects company.

Some Pig

The Cone of Non-Silence

More like the cone of diffusion. The idea here is that this Plexiglas thingamajig (otherwise known as the TurboTone) is supposed to make the sound of the amp less directional. Static comb filtering included at no extra cost.

iHawk Systems TurboTone

Hard Shards

According to the manufacturer, these quartz crystal frets give your guitar "clear, resonant tone." If only they provided "optimized harmonics," it would be perfect.

Crystal Frets

Glass Half Full

Our troubles are over! This tempered glass neck gives us those elusive "optimized harmonics." Unfortunately you have to give up "clear, resonant tone" in exchange for "pure, rich tone."

The fret quest continues…

Glasstones Stringed Musical Instruments

So This Horse Walks Into a Bar…

What's an airplane doing in the Aviom booth? The only reason is to make people come over and say "What's an airplane doing in the Aviom booth?"

Maybe that or the fact that it was built by Aviom employee Jeff Lange.

Aviom airplane

Cable Fettuccine

These flat cables come in a variety of flavors.

Stokyo, LLC

©2011 Barry Wood