Barry Wood's NAMM Oddities 2008 Edition

Packrat Barry

You Figure It Out

An Oddities Mother Lode

Or would that be mother load?

This is one of those items for which the NAMM Oddities was created. So which one would you buy, a "Guitarlet" or a "P-Ano?"

  • Jammin' Johns, LLC
  • P.O. Box 33, 409 E. Main St.
  • New Washington, IN 47162
  • 812-293-4395
  • www.jamminjohns.com
An Oddities Mother Lode

The F*cking F*cker

Metasonix makes some pretty f*cked up sh*t. Who the h*ll would spend five f*cking thousand dollars on a godd*mn amp? Especially a b*stard like this that f*cks up your tone beyond all recognition.

If you don't want to p*ss away $5k for this f*cker, but you like the artwork, you can always just buy the d*mn t-shirt.

  • Metasonix
  • 870 South Main Street, PMB 109
  • Lakeport CA 95453
  • (707) 263-5343
  • www.metasonix.com
The Fucking Fucker

Male Plug Air Ceased to Prevent Air Noise

I spent several minutes speaking with the nice ladies at the DH Electronics booth in a futile attempt to ascertain what they meant by "air noise."

Left to my own imagination (which is always dangerous), I would guess that the XLR connector could double as a rectal flatulence inhibitor.

Male Plug Air Ceased to Prevent Air Noise

Out-of-Ear In-Ear Monitor

There are so many things I could say about the VAM that I can't decide what approach to take.

Should I talk about how one looks while using it?

Should I comment that their trademark is "Sing Better Faster?"

Should I make a top 10 list of other users for the VAM?

I think not. So, I'll let you do that for yourselves.

Out-of-Ear In-Ear Monitor

Planter Sub

Now get your garden bumpin' like your car.

This might be effective in getting rid of gophers. Then again, it just might encourage them to invite their friends over to party.

  • Alex-Tronix Electronics
  • 4761 W. Jacquelyn Ave.
  • Fresno, CA 93722
  • (559) 276-0453
  • www.sound-tek.com
Planter Sub

Creepy Timekeepers

To me, the psychopathic undercurrent beneath the cheerful exteriors is palpable. That penguin seems to be saying "you screw up that arpeggio one more time and I'm going to rip your throat out."

Creepy Timekeepers

Rock 'n' Aroma

"Sweaty Guitarist," "Spilled Beer," and "Unbathed Roadie" were the first things that came to my mind when I saw the Rock 'n' Aroma display.

I'm sure that many more palatable odors are available.

Rock 'n' Aroma

Skeeter the Barbarian

And it is written that there came a day when a giant of a slide entered the kingdom and not one could stand against him. All slides had no choice but to bow down before him.

The slogan for Skeeter Hand-Blown Guitar Slides is "One size does not fit all!" Indeed.

  • The Studios at Stony Acres
  • 1608 Reed Road
  • Knoxville, MD 21758
  • www.sasaart.com
Skeeter the Barbarian

Rock vs. Jazz

The age-old rivalry between rock and jazz can now be settled on the time-tested plain of battle: the chessboard.

Rock vs. Jazz

Wristies

The perfect accessory for the musician that has to play an outdoor gig when it's nippy out. These hand/wrist warmers leave the fingers free to move, which is kind of important for most musical instruments.

They've also got a model that has a pocket for inserting heat packets for those times when it's really frickin' nippy.

  • Wristies, Inc.
  • 650 Suffolk Street, Suite G-5
  • Lowell, MA 01854 USA
  • (978) 937-9500
  • www.wristies.com
Wristies

Mama's Got a Brand New Bag

The Vorson Rock Bag is either too dumb to be cool or not quite dumb enough to be stylish. I just don't see this appealing to regular folks nor to those who are trying to be different like all the others.

  • China Lanyao Musical Instrument Co., Ltd.
  • No. 102 Door 3, Bld. 18, Huaqingjiayaun
  • Wudaokou Haidian District, Beijing P.R. China
  • 0086-10-82867391
  • www.lanyou.com
Papa's Got a Brand New Bag

Arachnaphonica

The perfect PA speaker for your next Halloween gig. I'm guessing that it's a spider because it's got eight legs.

  • Perfect Group Company, Ltd.
  • Room No.1520,23 Jiaogong Road
  • Hangzhou, Zhejiang, China, 310012
  • +86-571-89922338
  • www.perfectgroup.com.cn
Arachnaphonica

Karaoke Light Show

I'm all for any technological advancement that would help distract me from some pitch-challenged individual who has no business attempting karaoke.

  • Soh Electronics Co., Ltd
  • 8/F East TowerYangcheng
  • International Commercial Center
  • Tian He Ti Yu Dong Road
  • GuangZhou, China, 510620
  • +86 20 388 70028
  • www.soh.com.cn
Karaoke Lightshow

3-in-1 Music Doodad

I don't think it's possible to have too many doodads in your studio, particularly one that's 3 doodads in 1. That would leave you with more room for your other doodads!

  • V2GO Technology Corp.
  • 9528 E. Rush St., Unit I, South
  • El Monte CA 91733, USA
  • (877) 566-8246
  • www.v2gotech.com
3-in-1 Music Doodad

E-Gloop

E-Gloop will protect your electronics from corrosion due to sweat. I suspect this is more of an issue in health clubs than it is in the sedentary confines of the studio.

E-Gloop

Bee In Tune

This is essentially a cordless screwdriver that has a clip-on sensor to tell it which way to turn.

I could see how this could save a lot of time in a beginning string class, assuming you can get the special tail pieces installed on all the instruments.

  • BEE-IN Tuner, Inc.
  • P.O. Box 136
  • Massapequa Park, NY 11762
  • (516) 798-5555
  • www.beeintuner.com
Bee In Tune

The Expanded Compressor

This may have been the only oversized booth magnet I saw this year. I certainly hope this staple of the NAMM Oddities isn't on the endangered species list.

  • Robert Keeley Electronics
  • 6400 Industrial Blvd. 2nd Floor
  • Edmond, OK 73034
  • (405) 341-2025
  • www.rkfx.com
The Expanded Compressor

Stranger Than Fiction

There are two reasons that I avoid taking pictures of odd people at NAMM: 1) there are generally more than enough odd items to cover and 2) there are always so damn many odd people wandering around. In this case, I just couldn't resist.

Stranger Than Fiction

…And Good For You Too!

So would it be politically incorrect to play a benefit concert for starving people using picks and drumsticks made out of wheat that they could have eaten?

And Good For You Too!

Guitarlamp

Why make a lamp from a guitar you might ask? I would counter that with a simple "why not?"

Guitarlamp

Transpo Gizmo

If there were a category for "Best use of existing packaging," this gizmo would win. They're using a CD case with silk screening on the plastic layer of a CD. They've got a Transpo Gizmo, Scale Gizmo, and Chord Gizmo.

  • Music Sales Corporation
  • 445 Bellvale Rd. Chester, NY 10918
  • (800) 431-7187
  • www.msdealers.com
Transpo Gizmo

Who Knows What Technology Lies in the Hearts of Frogs?

Who would've guessed that within this nondescript frog lies a 20W 2-way sound system, an mp3 CD-capable CD player and a wireless receiver? It can operate for up to 3 hours off of battery, too.

  • Seikaku Technical Group, Ltd.
  • No.1, Lane 17, Sec. 2, Hanshi W. Road
  • Taichung 40151, Taiwan
  • +886-4-22313737
  • www.show-pa.com
Who Knows What Technology Lies in the Hearts of Frogs?

©2008 Barry Wood