On Father's Day this year my daughter and I attended the Portland Pride Parade together. It was great to
see all of the supportive people and companies out there celebrating inclusion and everyone's
individual right to be who they are.
There was however a group of protesters with a bullhorn telling everyone that they were going to Hell
forever forever forever forever. Fortunately the crowd was loud enough that you really couldn't hear
them very well. Some of the vehicles in the parade (and all of the people) contributed noise to
drown them out as they rounded the corner, much to the delight of the crowd. As I saw company after
company parade by in support I provided running commentary as if I were the protester disconcerted by seeing
company after company roll by in support.
PROTESTERS: "God hates you and you're going to Hell! Repent of your evil ways!"PROTESTERS: "FedEx supports the gays so I'm only using UPS from here on."PROTESTERS: "It figures that Starbucks supports the gays what with their attack Christmas."PROTESTERS: "Autodesk? Could my house have been designed with gay software?"PROTESTERS: "Wells Fargo, eh? Well I'm moving my money to a non-gay local bank like Riverview."PROTESTERS: "Dammit."PROTESTERS: "Oh, these guys are doubly going to Hell. This makes me sick, I think I need to go to Kaiser urgent care."PROTESTERS: "My health provider is gay too? I guess I'm switching to Legacy."PROTESTERS: "Oh, how about Regence?PROTESTERS: "Well darn, maybe Providence."PROTESTERS: "Criminy, someone just call me an ambulance."PROTESTERS: "For some reason they couldn't hear my bullhorn. Maybe I'll just have a beer and pray."PROTESTERS: "Obviously I won't be having a Deschutes. I'll just go to a local establishment like McMenamins."PROTESTERS: "All these years and I never knew they were in with the gays too. Maybe I'll just go home and post the list of gay companies so that all good Christians can avoid them."PROTESTERS: "Oh God! I can't use my computer because it's gay too!"PROTESTERS: "I can't even use electricity because PGE uses gay power. I should just drive away."PROTESTERS: "Who would have guessed that my Mercedes was gay, I'll just call a cab."PROTESTERS: "Well I can't use this cab company, I'll just have to use public transit."PROTESTERS: "Even the TriMet is gay? I know, I'll rent a car."PROTESTERS: "Ugh. It looks like it time to start walking."PROTESTERS: "First I'll have to change out of my Nikes and put on my Addidas."PROTESTERS: "Ok, house slippers are fine, that will make it easier to go through security when I fly away from this god forsaken place."PROTESTERS: "If only the airline wasn't gay too. Sigh."
