Barry Wood's NAMM Oddities 2009 Edition

Packrat Barry

Guitars

Über Scary

Leave it to ESP to take garish guitar designs to the next level. It's kind of like watching a bad horror film in 3D.

Before you question my use of the umlaut in the title, it was required as this handy Heavy Metal taxonomic diagram will reveal.

  • The ESP Guitar Company
  • 10903 Vanowen St., Unit A
  • North Hollywood, CA 91605
  • (800) 423-8388
  • www.espguitars.com
Über Scary

'09 Convertible

This interesting guitar system lets you swap out the complete electronics package of the guitar in seconds. You can go from single coils to humbuckers and not have to drag around multiple guitars.

That does kind of go against the natural tendencies of guitar players to amass large numbers of guitars.

'09 Convertible

A Pete Townsend-Proof Guitar

Let's see you smash this one, Pete. The milled aluminum body is fitted with carbon fiber front and back pieces to create a resonating chamber, which I am told, provides for better tone. Would a man wearing a fez lie?

A Pete Townsend-Proof Guitar

Bulletproof Guitars

Carbon fiber instruments were out in force at NAMM this year. This one has a fiber/kevlar shell over a light-weight alder body.

Maybe these guys could let us know just how bullet-proof these guitars are?

Bulletproof Guitars

Carbon Cannon

I told you carbon fiber was popular. The folks at Blackbird are now making a full-sized guitar along with their travel steel string and nylon string guitars.

This guitar actually has a larger physical volume than a normal acoustic because of the way they've created the front port in what would have been the hip of the guitar.

Carbon Cannon

The Hombre

At a price of nearly $12,000, you might have to pull off a bank job to afford one of these.

Like their Lenore guitar from last year's NAMM show, the Hombre has an amazing amount of detail in the solid sterling silver hardware. It also includes a replica Derringer, which should provide hours of entertainment with the TSA should you need to fly somewhere with your guitar. You could try hiding it in the secret compartment in the back of the guitar, that might be even more fun.

The Hombre

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Minarik has a penchant for elaborate doublenecks, as their Goddess from a couple of years back shows.

This year it's an electric mandolin/guitar combo featuring a headless horseman theme. They really should have used bridge tuners and made this a headless guitar.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Guitar Liposuction

In years past Kraken has fielded some, shall I say, less-than-stylish guitars. This year they were showing one that you might not be ashamed to be seen playing.

Guitar Liposuction

Photoshop-Free

There was something oddly compelling about this hand-painted guitar. After seeing all the super-slick graphic-laden guitars, this was a breath of fresh air.

It's possible that I'm the only person who doesn't recognize that this is a replica of Clapton's SG. Thanks for clueing me in Babz.

Photoshop-Free

It's Wafer Thin

Unlike the mint profered by John Cleese, these won't cause a gastro-intenstinal apocalypse.

These instruments include a line input so you can plug-in an mp3 player and jam along in the privacy of headphones.

It's Wafer Thin

The Moog Guitar

Occasionally I overlook an item simply because I'm already familiar with it. That was the case with the Moog Guitar. This instrument is exceptional because not only can it produce EBow-like sustain on all strings, it can also do the opposite by causing the strings to very quickly cease vibrating.

The Moog Guitar

Mildly Annoyed With The Machine

This guitar serves as a visual metaphor representing the thinly veiled workings of a somewhat-less-than-transparent government doing things that you don't wholly aprove of.

Mildly Annoyed With The Machine

V Coustic

Dean continues to be an industry leader in the flying V guitars. Last year they were showing a doubleneck V and this year it's their V Coustic. Maybe Dave Mustaine is planning an unplugged tour.

V Coustic

My Biscuits are Burnin'!

Don't be satified with simply having flames painted on your guitar; make them an integral part of it.

This reminded me of Yosemite Sam's first scene in Roger Rabbit.

My Biscuits are Burnin'!
Next Up: Other Goodies

©2009 Barry Wood